


Nights and Fears

by KaytheJay



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21832882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaytheJay/pseuds/KaytheJay
Summary: Dan and Phil now have a baby but they're terrified.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Nights and Fears

"Dan," Phil whispered in the dark. "What are you doing?" Dan reminded silent, staring into the crib. "You need sleep too, ya know, not just the baby." Dan sucked in a breath.  
"I'm terrified that if I look away, he's going to stop breathing and die," Dan said without looking away. Phil pulled Dan into a side hug and stared at their newborn son with him.  
"I'm sure he's fine," Phil said. "He's never had problems before. You can go to bed. We both need the sleep almost as much as he does."  
"What if he wakes up and neither of us hear him and he starts feeling like we don't love him anymore." Phil smiled. Dan was always a worrier. Of course, his anxiety raised ten fold since they'd found out the girl had approved them to adopt her baby. Probably mostly die to the fact that this little guy- little Samuel-Michael James- was completely dependant on them. Everything in his development depended on his every need being met and making sure that he felt love. Not to mention, if he did get sick, he had no way to tell them besides crying. And the crying was always hard to decipher.  
"How about this," Phil said. "I'll take first shift watching him and come get you if I need help. You go to bed." Dan took one last glance at their son before turning away. Just as he got to the door, he turned back.  
"You'll get me if anything happens?" Phil nodded.  
"You'll be the first on my list to get if something happens to him." With that, Dan turned away and headed to bed. Phil wasn't actually going to sit and watch him all night. He just wanted to assure Dan that he would be fine. He was just going to do it for long enough that Dan would be asleep by the time he got to bed.  
Phil could honestly sit and watch his son sleep for hours on end. It was just so soothing to watch his little chest rise and fall. He looked so peaceful. The stressors of the world had yet to set in on his little body. Phil hated the idea that Sammy would every grow up and be forced to be stressed like an adult. There were just so many things and he didn’t want his baby boy to worry about a single one of them. Not ever.  
Phil lost himself in watching the baby. Hours past and he didn’t even realize. He’d just been so entranced by watching the peacefulness of the sleeping baby. He couldn’t imagine a happier place than being right there watching their son. Their son. This little baby was his forever. Phil smiled and swallowed down a laugh, as not to wake Samuel. Whoever this kid ended up as, Phil couldn’t imagine him doing anything that would disappoint him. This child was theirs to nourish forever. To love and care for and watch grow up.  
Phil looked over at the clock. 2 AM. He shook his head at himself. He’d already spent two hours just watching this baby. He needed to go to bed, but he couldn’t pull himself away. Dan’s anxiety was starting to bleed into him. What if he stopped breathing if Phil walked away? What if he started choking or died in his sleep out of nowhere? What would happen if . . . if . . . Phil shook his head. These were irrational fears. Sammuel was healthy. Sam would be fine. Still, Phil could not force himself to walk away.  
***  
Phil woke up in the rocking chair they’d put in Sam’s room a week or so before he was born. Dan was standing over him with a smile.  
“Thanks for sending me to bed,” Dan said. “I slept better last night than I have in a long time.” Phil nodded and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Once he’d realized what he’d done, he gasped and stood up quickly, rushing to the crib. Sam wasn’t there. He looked back at Dan and frantically ran to the other room.  
“Where is he?” Phil said in a panic. “Where is he?” Dan smiled and shook his head.  
“My mum came and got him,” Dan replied. “She told me that we seemed stressed and thought that we could use a little breather.”  
“We’re his parents, Daniel, parents don’t get to take a breather.” Dan gave Phil a weird look.  
“Why not? He’s fine and we’ve both been stressed so why not let the grandparents have him for a day? My parents raised me just fine. I’m sure he will be too.” Phil looked back at Dan and sighed.  
“Maybe she’s right. Maybe we are too stressed about this whole thing.” He sank back into the rocking chair and closed his eyes.  
“See, that’s the spirit,” Dan said. “So what do you want to do with the day off?” Phil thought about everything that needed to be done. The dishes hadn’t been done in weeks. They hadn’t showered since he was born. Laundry, don’t make him laugh. Of course it hadn’t been done. Even just thinking about the list of things that they should do since they didn’t have a baby to also worry about stressed him out. There wasn’t nearly enough time in one day to possibly do it all. There was just so much-  
“Sleep.” Phil said finally. “I just want to sleep.” Dan laughed.  
“That is the most dad thing I have ever heard you say,” he replied.  
“Well I am a dad now, aren’t I? Now everything I say is going to be a dad thing.”  
“Oh I suppose,” Dan said. “Well, you go get in bed. I am not going to let you sleep in that chair anymore. Rest up. Today is one of the few that we’re going to get until Sammy grows up a little more.” Phil nodded sleepily and walked to their bedroom. Dan followed, but only to shut the bedroom door and turn off the light.  
Phil deserved to have the room to himself. He was an amazing husband for letting Dan off the hook while he was being irrational. And he was going to be an even better father.

**Author's Note:**

> Hits and kudos mean the world to me. Comments fuel me into next week.   
> Find me on Tumblr @lesbaphannie


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